My interviews with Asian women residing in some of the world's most diverse cities suggest that the negative stereotypes about Asian women feed also into those of the white men they date. Without such research, we're left with the unverified assumption that interracial couples are engines of social change. Unfortunately, to this day, there is very little critical qualitative research that explores in depth the contemporary challenges of interracial coupling, says Deliovsky. These days, it's so taboo to call someone racist that most people get defensive when confronted over it and accuse the person complaining of hypersensitivity or lacking in humor.Īnd when you're an Asian woman dating someone who possesses every privilege in the book (white, heterosexual, middle-class, male, and conventionally attractive), you can't help but internalize two things: differences in how you and your partner are treated by people outside of the relationship, and differences in how you and your partner understand those experiences. The interesting thing about casual racism is that it's hard to call out. Every time I'm asked this question (and I'm asked this a lot), saying I'm simply "Chinese" often generates a response along the lines of, "But you don't seem Asian." In this case, her disappointment in my answer was rooted in an observation that my "eyes and lips are really big." Meanwhile, she simply turned to my boyfriend and asked him what he did for a living.
At a Christmas party last year, a young woman came up to me and demanded I tell her exactly what race I am. I've experienced my fair share of casually racist slights. In fact, Deliovsky points out that the celebrated increase of interracial couples hides their complex experiences of discrimination, including how they deal with racism.Īs for Asians, they tend to be perceived under the "model minority" category the popular assumption is that because Asians are prone to achieving high levels of academic and economic success, their assimilation into mainstream society makes them less likely to experience racial discrimination than other minorities.ĭeliovsky says that because of this, Asians often experience more implicit forms of racism hidden under the public veil of tolerance. "We know very little about the actual challenges and joys that interracial coupling brings," she says. My curiosity about what these trends actually mean led me to reach out to Katerina Deliovsky, a sociologist who has studied interracial couples for years. Meanwhile, the Pew Research Center found that in the United States, interracial marriage rates have nearly tripled since 1980, from representing 6.7 percent of all marriages to 15.1 percent in 2010. It's hard to believe, since interracial couples are a fast growing demographic and spotting them in a major city is about as common as finding a string of cabs at a downtown intersection.īetween 19, the number of interracial couples in Canada increased from 2.6 percent of all couples to 4.5 percent, according to the most recent data released by Statistics Canada. But being in an interracial relationship has made me increasingly aware of the subtle (and often unintentional) comments thrown at me by people who end up forcing me back into neat and racially labeled boxes.
Growing up in Toronto, one of the most culturally diverse cities in the world, I rarely experienced outright racism from other people. My current relationship began four years ago, but until that moment in the cottage, I'd never been more aware of the fact that it is also an interracial relationship. Looking back, there is still a part of me that feels my lack of reaction actually perpetuated a stereotype about Asian women that I've tried to separate myself from-that we're submissive, passive, and eager to please.
My decision to not react at the time was not only based on the fact that no one else did I didn't want to risk being seen as "overly sensitive" in front of my boyfriend and his family, all of whom were uncomfortably trying to change the subject. But what was more subtle was the reminder that I was the "token Asian," the one unlike the others, in a group of white people. A timely "joke" that categorically placed me, an Asian woman, under a racially driven stereotype that is often recycled again and again in cringe-worthy films such as Balls of Fury.